This Dream Is Exclusive

Though out of no fault nor vanity on my part. Yesterday at church, Shellie Baird, the girl down the street asked if I missed Provo. To that I responded "No." Then about twenty minutes into sacrament meeting, I realized I was a filthy liar, unashamed and untouched by social desirability. Because as I sat there in the chapel sitting amidst these people, I decided that they were sucking the hope out of me. I started seeing visions of myself in five years in that same building getting up to bear my testimony and thanking everyone in the ward for being such a support. I almost threw up. I actually had to excuse myself to the bathroom before the dry-heaving stopped. When, I felt myself again I went back into the chapel and sat down again.

Every time someone opened their mouth, I was given another reason to feel like I wouldn't fit in. In Provo, its really easy to find people that you can relate to and share a sense of humor with. The Beaverton/Cedar-Mills singles ward is not a place of that same persuasion. I really couldn't see myself hanging out with anyone in the group. Even at the break the fast, where I actually got to meet some people and get past the first impression, I found out that sometimes the first impressions are true.

Also, during Sunday school, I accidentally said something funny loud. I was really trying to keep myself behind my glasses (@even stock) but it was hard with whatever comment I wanted to make. So, I said something like I normally do in classes or church and everyone just looked at me like "Yeah?" I felt really lame. It should've at least gotten a few chuckles.

Plus, everyone is about 26, so that does not increase Pearson's R-squared at all. Substantive significance is doubtful.

Oh, the title. Yeah. Since I've been home, its been like a dream. A really uninteresting one because my mind is just taking me back to the places that I know the most. A dream where you're sleeping is really boring. This summer might just be a dream. Also, I'll try to meet people/make friends, but, really, what's the use? Then I recall the Singles ward. I better get married before Graduation, dillon, if not, I'm jacked.

Teh new kicks

Chinese food makes me reckless.

My parents are in town for conference weekend. So, I cleared (kept cleared/did nothing out of the ordinary) the weekend of any plans to spend it with them. They got in last night and today we went out to lunch at Kneader's and then saw how to train your dragon at Xango. We thought we were in time for the 3D showing, but we were, in fact, late. So we went to the regular-sauce showing. It was still cool like yeah, though. After that, my mom axed if I needed new shoes. I had accidentally let slip that I had holes in my pair now and my feet kept getting wet and my socks kept getting holes, though I didn't know why. She didn't buy it. She knew I knew it was because of the hole in the bottom and the rough concrete. If I had only been walking in a bed of roses, or thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather... So we headed to University Mall. We arrived there, too.

Inside, we went first to the bathroom. At the movie theatre I went to the bathroom and I was about to remark to my dad about how it seems everytime I go to a movie, I use the bathroom. Then I remembered that movies are quite the time commitment. Things started to make sense, so I didn't bring it up. But I did bring up that I had to use the bathroom again. So, we found one. I had to use a toilet, so I first wiped the seat off and then got out the seat cover. I was busy tearing the middle part free from the outsides when the automatic toilet flushed. No problem. When the toilet was done doing its business, I put down the seat cover and turned around to sit down. Then it automatically flushed again, taking the cover with it. Krade. So, I had to stand very awkwardly to make sure the toilet didn't flush prematurely... it didn't work. But this time I sat down before it could pull all of the cover in after it and I kept it in place. Success.

Then we went to some shoe place to look at shoes. I wondered what kind of shoes I would get. I forgot that when you bought new shoes they didn't just give you a fixed up pair of your old ones, but that you had to choose a completely new pair. This was a very disconcerting realization. I realized that "If you love somebody, you have to learn to say goodbye." That is a line from the song I'm listening to. So, I got some chucks. The high-tops would be too much a hassle if I ever wanted to take them off, so I decided to go with the low tops. Now I have teh new kicks.

So, with my clear evening, I figured me and my folks would play yahtzee and halo all night, but I was disappointed to find that they had a dinner party to go to with their old friends that had all moved down to Utah. Well, that's just great. My parents come all the way down to Utah to see me and then they go off and have a party with their friends and leave me at home. Just like all my other friends. My mom said "Well, you could come along..." I told her I didn't want to be the four hundred and first wheel for the second time in a week. So, they dropped me off at home.

I was kinda hungry because we hadn't got anything because they were going to dinner without me. So, there I was, alone, bored, hungry, and unsatisfied on a friday night. Business as usual. I finished Ranger's Apprentice numba four and wondered what to do after that; it was only 7:30. I was on gchat, so I asked the only other person on (Jenni Boyle) what I should do. She said "read a book, master fusha, or call arabic james". That didn't really open up any options to me. I just finished a book and Arabic James' family was in town, so I couldn't hang out with him. I texted Mikail Severkovich, but he was with his family, too. It seemed like everyone else's family knew what to do on a friday night in provo besides mine. Also, Pres. Traveler isn't back yet, so no mission reunion, something everyone else was going to. Alone and extremely left out, there was only one thing to do: break in teh new kicks.

I laced my chucks, I walked the aisle, a baby cried, too, I think. In-flight radio. I got out on my porch and looked around for direction. I knew that "Kabob Connection" was on at the international cinema at 8:45, but I didn't want to go on a friday night alone, so... I didn't. I decided to go to smiths. So, I walked outside and it was cold with some snow falling. Really small snow. May just tiny pieces of ice, really. It wasn't sticking. But it was cold, nonetheless, so I zipped up my jacket and pulled it tighter around me. I really hoped that I looked cool, or at least that I looked like a man to be pitied. I crossed University ave and was on my way to smiths when I realized that I should just go to Lon's smoke shack. I walked in, but nothing looked good, so I decided to go to the chinese buffet just down the road. I heard a sound that sounded suspiciously like my name on the wind coming from behind me, but I didn't want to look. Cool people don't turn when they are called. They turn when they want to. Then it came clearer and someone yelled "Scott Ogden!" I started to want to turn, independently of the yelling, and saw someone in the back seat of a car at the light that recently turned green. They shouted something to me and I shouted back "WHAT?" But they just waved and closed the door because the car had to move because the light was green. Then they sped off, up university and out of my list of possible things to do tonight. Even though it was sitting very firmly at the top.

I went into the chinese place and was going to ask for the take-out menu, but seeing that it was only 6:50 for the buffet, made a split-second decision and said I wanted the buffet. That really confused the lady because she had seen the "I just want the take-out menu, please" look flash across my face. I smiled at her surprise. She seated me at a booth with two places set. "Will this do?" she asked. I said yes, but just sat and looked at the second place-setting for a little bit. Just another friday night.

The first plate I filled with fried-rice, orange chicken, lo men, and some potstickers. I returned to my booth to find two people that had come in just after me seated there. Realizing I'd been replaced with a real couple, I sat in the booth next to them. I cleaned the plate quickly, hoping that eating faster would pass the time faster. Then I realized that eating out normally takes more time because you sit and talk with the people you came with. I was full, but I got another plate. This time, I went for sweet and sour chicken, though it seemed a bit bitter tonight. I had finished that plate, but still hadn't been there for even ten minutes, so I went for one last plate, even though my stomach was bursting. I decided to have some dessert and got some chocolate and vanilla pudding. I sat and ate it, but noticed that the chocolate pudding was warm, while the vanilla was cooler. I didn't want to eat the chocolate, but had to because I wanted my money's worth. Finally, when I felt I had eaten $10 worth, I went to the counter to pay. "Just one buffet?" she asked. I assured her she had not misheard. With the tip, I paid a total of 8 dollars.

I walked home. The wind was colder now, for some reason, so I zipped up all the way and got lost in my thoughts. As I walked by the library I wondered what my parents were doing. I wondered how my mom would cry if I was killed on the way home. I didn't want her to cry, so I tried to be more alert. Then I saw a car idling in the parking lot of the library. I thought about just jumping in and taking it. Going somewhere. Then a head popped up in the driver's seat, done searching for whatever had fallen on the ground and I gave up all such notions. I was stuffed, cold, and starting to think that the chinese food was laced with loneliness, so I was becoming reckless. Dreaming of things I shouldn't and having nightmares of all the rest. Suddenly, I looked up and was surprised to see Liberty square. I hadn't remembered walking all the way back. I thought I still had a couple blocks to go. I looked at my watch and saw that it was still only 9:20. Too early to sleep. So, I went to the bathroom and stripped to my skivies. Now I sit her in just my newly washed garments and my chucks. Breaking them in. This is my life guys. I know you didn't sign up for it, but this is all you get, so get used to it. You might be teh new kicks, but these are just the same old digs.